Embrace the muck and mire!

After a long, cold, hard winter, I'm personally ready to put this one behind me and move on...but not in a tossing it away kind-of-way. More in the integrating it within way so I don't have to go back and revisit it over and over and over again. I want to be truly free and clear and open and available to whatever comes next. So, still work to do, but gaining ground and just felt like celebrating.

I used to look at life as things moving continuously forward, and my job was to avoid - by any means necessary - getting caught in the muck and mire of life with anybody or anything. I now know they call that "running from life".

When my past relationship ended up in our own homemade version of the muck and mire, I decided I had found someone I wanted to learn how to move through the muck and mire of life with together. But this significant other decided, for whatever reason, they needed to keep "running from life" and avoid that muck and mire at all cost.

So what have I learned so far:

- Muck and mire is inevitable. We don't have to try to create it. We just naturally will. It's not to be avoided. It's to be honored for all the gifts it can bring us; for all the ways it can strengthen us.

- On the front end of the next relationship - Note to self: find someone who has my same perspective on traversing the muck and mire of life; someone who has experience of journeys made through said muck and mire & who still can light up a room with their smile and warm the hearts of all those around them...because they know the true joy of living and loving.

- Be open to the "Yes!" of it all...but balance that with the wisdom of your intuition and the critical thinking skills of your logical brain...because you will be happier you did in the long run.

That's enough for tonight! Time to put my brain to bed.

Almost Three Years...

...since I touched this blog. So, what have I been up to?

I've started and ended a relationship, been unemployed more months in the past 24 than I've been employed, experienced what it's like to have no home of my own, and am working on re-defining my professional life. I feel like the picture above. At peace with both my light and shadow/dark sides. Reduced to the bare minimum, tied up, but ready to be set free on a new journey.

Found a powerful poem that speaks to my take on life now -

The Invitation

By Oriah

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon ...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes".

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Firefighting...Oh My!

Well...it's been a long time since I last posted to this blog...but I'm here now to begin the process of hopefully keeping up with things again. This post will be short, but wanted to let you in on my latest excursions.

I'm participating in the Gwinnett County Citizens Fire Academy, which is an 8-week course that introduces citizens to what firefighting is like by allowing them/us/me to go thru drills at the fire academy to participating in ridealongs with actual firefighters.

The picture at top is of yours truly all suited up in my turnout gear and riding on the fire truck!

Below is a video clip from one of our drills at the fire academy.

Enjoy!

Sunset At The Beach

Wow.... Two months since the last post. I'm not sure who I was then, but I'm a totally different person now. As I like to say, worlds have come into existence and gone away again since I saw you last!

My favorite time at the beach is sunset---the end of a long day of fun, rest, doing nothing, the joy of just being, and playing in the water. Most people have gone in to get cleaned up and eat dinner, but I like to go to the shore and take it all in. I feel light, clear, and like I have room to breathe deep and just be. The waves keep hitting the shore but they seem more settled at that time.

Perhaps that's why on Thursday, March 22nd at sunset as I was leaving Piedmont Hospital in Atlanta, GA all I could think of was my overwhelming urge to be walking on a beach somewhere and yet very aware of how land-locked I was here in the ATL.

For the past week I had been caring for my Mom after her unexpected heart attack and emergency open heart surgery. She is on the mend now after the mitral valve repair and quadruple bypass, but prior to this there was no clue of heart disease. Talk about a big WOW!

What a journey it's been...what an eye-opener. And on Thursday night, I could finally stop and enjoy the sunset from the top deck of the hospital parking garage. I could finally breathe deep and when I did my soul wanted to be on the beach at sunset.

So...I let it go there even though my body couldn't make the trip. Of course, the draw to the beach has been so strong since then that I went searching on the internet for the picture posted above so I'd have an image to go with this post when I finally wrote it.

I've also looked into what beach I might want to move to so I can live there full-time, like St. Simon's Island or perhaps some remote location where beachfront property is more within my budget and the town is smaller rather than a tourist mecca.

In this pull to the beach, I've connected very strongly with the turtle for some reason. Thanks to Tom Howick, my high school Oceanography teacher & friend, I learned much about the loggerhead turtles that come onto the beach to lay their eggs under the cover of night and then return to the sea and go on their way.

The sun has the honor of hatching these eggs. Once free of the egg's shell, the baby turtle immediately dashes (as much as a turtle can "dash") to the sea. They are at their most vulnerable in this first trip of theirs and many don't ever reach the water.

The fragile, beautiful, wonderful cycle of life. Mama turtles lay eggs. Baby turtles try to survive. Moms have heart attacks. Daughters companion their parent. But at the end of the day, you remember that no matter what a journey might hold, we still have the choice to breathe deep, settle down, and clear a path for the next day & all the adventures waiting to unfold within it.

In lieu of moving to the beach at this particular time in my life, I opted instead for an air freshner in the shape of a turtle that now hangs in my car. The scent is "Sea Mist", and I just happened upon it Sunday while having my car cleaned.

Now as I drive thru traffic in land-locked Atlanta, I see that turtle and remember to breathe deep, settle in and get clear. Turtle carries the wisdom of patience, longevity, and seeing our perception of time differently.

So far I'm enjoying this journey with Turtle and finding many gifts along the way that I missed while letting myself get caught up in the frantic march of time that us humans have invested way too much energy in.

Here's to learning how to be a turtle...how to take our time & begin to see life through the wise eyes of a turtle...how to go with the natural flow of things...how to enjoy life by not missing those wonderful, amazing things on the way that float there alongside us just waiting to be noticed and given attention.

We're all surrounded by so much abundance, so many gifts created especially for us to bring us joy, love, and much laughter. Be like a turtle and take notice!

Happy Birthday To Me!

I celebrated my 41st birthday on Friday with my family. I learned that my Dad was at work afterhours playing poker with his friends the night I decided to begin making my grand entrance into this world, so he had to leave early. And my Mom missed two of her favorite television shows that night---Peyton Place and The Fugitive---because she was in labor with me. Their life's never been the same since!

And tonight I spent time with my friends Stacy, Rick, Mal & Beth. We had pizza, talked about the recent California trip, ate some yummy cupcakes, drank brandy, and played spoons. What more could a girl ask for to celebrate her birthday. A great time was had by all!

Just really wanted to pop in and say hello. Will be writing more about the trip to California soon. It's just taking me a while to process it all and catch up on my sleep.

Speaking of sleep...I'm off to find my bed for the night. I hear it calling my name even as I type!

Good night everyone!

Long Awaited Photos!!!

With Mal's expert technical assistance, I was able to FINALLY upload my photos to this hotel computer. You're in for a treat below!

The concert tonight was OUT OF THIS WORLD!!! Lucy was great, and we even got a guest appearance by Renee on stage as she and Lucy danced together. It was awesome, totally awesome!!!!!!!!!

As the back-up vocalist said while Lucy was in a costume change, the love and energy flowing in that room was being felt by everyone, especially those up on stage. She told us to keep it coming. And keep it coming we did!

Every single person in that room tonight could feel the connectedness, the heart, the love, and the pure energy of joy that comes when you are watching a dream come true. It was electrifying and oh so satisfying.

I'm sure there will be more to write in the days to come after I've had time to process it all, but for now I leave you with the long awaited photos. Enjoy!

Putting my feet in the Pacific Ocean for the first time!

Waiting for our photo-ops with Renee!

Turning onto Sunset Blvd in search of The Roxy.

The marquis outside The Roxy with Lucy Lawless listed.

This is the Lucy Lawless poster outside The Roxy.

You can see Rob Tapert, Daisy Lawless and Liz Friedman in this photo!

In the center of the photo is Renee O'Connor! And now...the concert begins as Lucy Lawless takes center stage!

Excitement Is In The Air

It's almost 6 pm here in Burbank and the doors to the Lucy Lawless debut concert open one hour from now. You can feel the excitement in the air as everyone is getting geared up for this show. I can't wait!

I remember when I reluctantly decided to check out Celebrity Duets back in the fall when it first aired. I never imagined it would lead to me sitting here in California getting ready to go to Lucy's concert tonight. As the saying goes...never in a million years...and I'm guessing Lucy never imagined her participation in the show would lead to this night either. But, alas, it did and so many of us are grateful to be carried along with her.

There's not much time to write for now, but in response to the last post, I've been to the electronics store TWICE today and still haven't been able to upload photos from my camera to this hotel computer. Keeps telling me I need to install hardware but I don't have any to install. Drat!!

However, they gave us a JPEG option with our photo ops so I took it and what you see at the top of the page is myself and my friend Mal smiling for the camera with Renee. Awesome experience!

Energetically, she's incredibly centered and just there. You can feel it when you stand next to her. And believe me the time we had standing next to her was brief, very brief!

Anyway, there seems to be a line outside the door for this computer so I gotta run. Hopefully more later after the concert!