Embrace the muck and mire!

After a long, cold, hard winter, I'm personally ready to put this one behind me and move on...but not in a tossing it away kind-of-way. More in the integrating it within way so I don't have to go back and revisit it over and over and over again. I want to be truly free and clear and open and available to whatever comes next. So, still work to do, but gaining ground and just felt like celebrating.

I used to look at life as things moving continuously forward, and my job was to avoid - by any means necessary - getting caught in the muck and mire of life with anybody or anything. I now know they call that "running from life".

When my past relationship ended up in our own homemade version of the muck and mire, I decided I had found someone I wanted to learn how to move through the muck and mire of life with together. But this significant other decided, for whatever reason, they needed to keep "running from life" and avoid that muck and mire at all cost.

So what have I learned so far:

- Muck and mire is inevitable. We don't have to try to create it. We just naturally will. It's not to be avoided. It's to be honored for all the gifts it can bring us; for all the ways it can strengthen us.

- On the front end of the next relationship - Note to self: find someone who has my same perspective on traversing the muck and mire of life; someone who has experience of journeys made through said muck and mire & who still can light up a room with their smile and warm the hearts of all those around them...because they know the true joy of living and loving.

- Be open to the "Yes!" of it all...but balance that with the wisdom of your intuition and the critical thinking skills of your logical brain...because you will be happier you did in the long run.

That's enough for tonight! Time to put my brain to bed.

Almost Three Years...

...since I touched this blog. So, what have I been up to?

I've started and ended a relationship, been unemployed more months in the past 24 than I've been employed, experienced what it's like to have no home of my own, and am working on re-defining my professional life. I feel like the picture above. At peace with both my light and shadow/dark sides. Reduced to the bare minimum, tied up, but ready to be set free on a new journey.

Found a powerful poem that speaks to my take on life now -

The Invitation

By Oriah

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon ...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes".

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.