Happy Birthday To Me!

I celebrated my 41st birthday on Friday with my family. I learned that my Dad was at work afterhours playing poker with his friends the night I decided to begin making my grand entrance into this world, so he had to leave early. And my Mom missed two of her favorite television shows that night---Peyton Place and The Fugitive---because she was in labor with me. Their life's never been the same since!

And tonight I spent time with my friends Stacy, Rick, Mal & Beth. We had pizza, talked about the recent California trip, ate some yummy cupcakes, drank brandy, and played spoons. What more could a girl ask for to celebrate her birthday. A great time was had by all!

Just really wanted to pop in and say hello. Will be writing more about the trip to California soon. It's just taking me a while to process it all and catch up on my sleep.

Speaking of sleep...I'm off to find my bed for the night. I hear it calling my name even as I type!

Good night everyone!

Long Awaited Photos!!!

With Mal's expert technical assistance, I was able to FINALLY upload my photos to this hotel computer. You're in for a treat below!

The concert tonight was OUT OF THIS WORLD!!! Lucy was great, and we even got a guest appearance by Renee on stage as she and Lucy danced together. It was awesome, totally awesome!!!!!!!!!

As the back-up vocalist said while Lucy was in a costume change, the love and energy flowing in that room was being felt by everyone, especially those up on stage. She told us to keep it coming. And keep it coming we did!

Every single person in that room tonight could feel the connectedness, the heart, the love, and the pure energy of joy that comes when you are watching a dream come true. It was electrifying and oh so satisfying.

I'm sure there will be more to write in the days to come after I've had time to process it all, but for now I leave you with the long awaited photos. Enjoy!

Putting my feet in the Pacific Ocean for the first time!

Waiting for our photo-ops with Renee!

Turning onto Sunset Blvd in search of The Roxy.

The marquis outside The Roxy with Lucy Lawless listed.

This is the Lucy Lawless poster outside The Roxy.

You can see Rob Tapert, Daisy Lawless and Liz Friedman in this photo!

In the center of the photo is Renee O'Connor! And now...the concert begins as Lucy Lawless takes center stage!

Excitement Is In The Air

It's almost 6 pm here in Burbank and the doors to the Lucy Lawless debut concert open one hour from now. You can feel the excitement in the air as everyone is getting geared up for this show. I can't wait!

I remember when I reluctantly decided to check out Celebrity Duets back in the fall when it first aired. I never imagined it would lead to me sitting here in California getting ready to go to Lucy's concert tonight. As the saying goes...never in a million years...and I'm guessing Lucy never imagined her participation in the show would lead to this night either. But, alas, it did and so many of us are grateful to be carried along with her.

There's not much time to write for now, but in response to the last post, I've been to the electronics store TWICE today and still haven't been able to upload photos from my camera to this hotel computer. Keeps telling me I need to install hardware but I don't have any to install. Drat!!

However, they gave us a JPEG option with our photo ops so I took it and what you see at the top of the page is myself and my friend Mal smiling for the camera with Renee. Awesome experience!

Energetically, she's incredibly centered and just there. You can feel it when you stand next to her. And believe me the time we had standing next to her was brief, very brief!

Anyway, there seems to be a line outside the door for this computer so I gotta run. Hopefully more later after the concert!

Getting To L.A.

Hello! I'm writing from Burbank, California tonight as one weary traveler who's about to go to the Xena Convention Cabaret festivities, so this will be quick. I'm running off of 2.5 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours!

After landing at LAX, we went to Venice Beach where I put my hands in the Pacific Ocean for the first time in my life. Took photos and all, but I need some little wire I don't have to connect from the camera to the USB port on this hotel computer. Fortunately, there's a HUGE electronics store across the street which I'll visit tomorrow, and hopefully they can help me get some pictures to you!

It's cold here but it was sunny and beautiful today! You could see the Santa Monica Mountains (I think that's what they're called) and the Hollywood Hills free and clear without smog or anything which Mallory tells me is quite unusual. And as we were driving along today, boom, there was that famous HOLLYWOOD sign on the side of the hills. Really cool!

After Venice Beach, we headed toward The Roxy on the Sunset Strip to get a photo of the marquis listing the Lucy Lawless concert. It wasn't on the big overhead marquis, but I did get a photo of the marquis on the side of the building along with her poster on the outside. Will hopefully post that tomorrow once acquiring said wire thingy I need!

All these travels around the city covered about 26-miles between LAX and Burbank, but OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The traffic here is absolute T O R T U R E. Give me Atlanta traffic anyday. I will NOT complain! Just going four miles at one point took almost an hour, and it wasn't even rush hour traffic! Anyway, enough said on that subject.

Because of this longer than normal travel time, we missed a little bit of the beginning of the days festivities. We arrived in time to hear Steve Sears and Robert Trebor speak. Zoe Bell was supposed to speak, but she got the dates mixed-up and was up in Northern California filming on a Quentin Tarantino film.

Everything we heard was wonderful. Great questions from the fans. Excellent responses from Steve and Robert. Of the two, I really enjoyed hearing Steve speak.

Steve talked about how he thought the true hero of the show Xena: Warrior Princess was really Gabrielle, played by Renee O'Connor. His reasoning was that Xena, played by Lucy Lawless, came from a place of darkness and just began to follow what was truly in her heart and it was good which moved her toward the light.

She (Xena) knew she could never redeem herself. She could only follow her heart which she did. However, Gabrielle chose to step out of the light in her peaceful, naive, and boring life in Potaedia and go into the darkness, touching into that darkness throughout all her travels and journeys with Xena along the way.

Making the choice to step out of the light into the dark and still retain her sense of self took much more strength of character and is truly what being a hero is about. Anyway...it was just something that makes you go "hmmmmm" as my brother would say.

I need to run for now, but perhaps after a good night's sleep and a fresh start to the day, I'll be able to write more clearly about what it's like being here amidst all this energy. I'm still processing it but all the cylinders aren't firing together right now!

Signed,
Very, very, very sleep deprived in Burbank!

L.A. Baby!!!!!!

In less than 12 hours I'll be on my way to Los Angeles, CA for the first time in my life. Woo hooo!!! I'm "dragging" my friend Mallory along with me to the 12th annual Xena Convention out in Burbank, and we're going to the Lucy Lawless debut concert.

After Lucy's run this fall on the television show Celebrity Duets, she's been itching to get back up on stage again to sing, and she decided to do it in conjunction with the Xena Con so that her ever-faithful fans could participate.

I hadn't planned on flying all the way across the country to participate in this until the night of November 30th when I decided I wanted to do something fun, and taking this trip was the "something fun". Mal didn't even know she was going until she got back from Christmas with her family.

Ahhhhh...the journey of showing up and learning to go where life flows as it unfolds from one thing to the next. I honestly don't know how else to live my life other than that now.

I thought I would leave you with some posts I made to the Lucy Lawless Yahoo Group this fall as we all participated in her run on Celebrity Duets because I think my words speak to why I decided I couldn't NOT make this trip. There's something about being there at this moment in time that seems totally and completely mine to do. I've not a clue why. I only know I'm going to follow it to wherever it leads. And I hope I'll be able to post here over the weekend and take you all along with me, at least vicariously thru my writing! If not this weekend, definitely when I get back home.

So...until then here's two posts I made to the Yahoo Group. The first was a couple of weeks into the show, and the last was right after Lucy came in second on the finale show. Keep in mind, I'm not a reality tv show, singing competition show kinda gal AT ALL, but my participation in this particular one served me well! Enjoy!

Post # 1:

--- In officiallucylawlessfanclub@yahoogroups.com, "hikingisfun19" wrote:

Hi everyone!

Besides being a Xena & Lucy Lawless fan, I've been pondering why I have sat on my couch for the past two Thursday nights and called a phone number over and over and over and over again, using two phones no less. Two months ago, it would have never occurred to me as something I would even be remotely interested in doing. Period. No matter what charity or person it was for.

As I've sat with that question and as I continue to participate in this continually evolving experience, the word that keeps popping up is empowerment. At a time in our world when so much feels out of control on a global scale, I find myself having the time of my life seeing how many times and how many ways I can dial a phone number with my bare hands in a two hour period of time. And then comes the nerve-wracking wait to see the results of said dialing.

In between we all get to see the raw, backstage footage of Lucy's take on the whole experience. So there's the televised performance the world sees, the inside scoop from the dressing room we are privy to, and then each of us individually doing our part to move this whole thing forward as we dial-away, one phone call at a time.

We place our own meaning and reaons on why we dial, which is unique and different to each of us. And yet, collectively we (the world, Lucy, and all of us fans) are unfolding something together that leaves me feeling incredibly empowered.

To be able to sit in my living room on a Friday night and see the results of me calling a phone number played out on national television in real time is quite a power trip---in a good way. The underlying sense that I, as an individual, and us, as a group, are making a difference and having an impact is an amazing feeling. Empowerment done the right way can change the world. Seems there was a television show that said something similar in its intro!

In my life experience as I have expanded and grown, I find going back to who I was before to be impossible. It's like outgrowing a favorite piece of clothing as a child. You are sad you have to let it go until you realize all the new possibilities now available to you.

Celebrity Duets will come to an end soon, but I venture to guess that the expansion and growth we have all gone through by participating in this adventure with Lucy will have left us different people. What will we do individually and collectively with our newfound experiences of empowerment? How can we take something as seemingly silly as our somewhat indirect involvement in a nationally televised singing competition and begin to impact our world---individually, collectively, globally, and universally?

Just some things I've been thinking about that I wanted to share with all of you.

Happy Sunday!!

Debbie :-)

Post # 2:

--- In officiallucylawlessfanclub@yahoogroups.com, "hikingisfun19" wrote:

Hi all!

I just wanted to say how much I've enjoyed experiencing the journey of Celebrity Duets with you. Thought I would share something I just posted to Twink's petition for Lucy. The petition link, if you want to sign it is:

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/lucyduetslist/index.html

I just signed it and was # 678. Anyway, here's my very long rambling. Thanks for letting me journey along with you in this!!!

"WOW.........what a ride this has been for all of us! I'm not sure where to start except to say THANK YOU for taking us on this journey with you!!! That's what it's been about for all of us---the journey. Never in a million years would I have guessed I needed to make this journey with you and everyone else, but I think it has served us all well and in ways that will continue to unfold for each of us in the weeks, months, and years ahead. To experience the interconnectedness of everyone working together, from all your preparation for performances to the actual performances to the backstage video clips from Sharon to the two-hour Thursday night dialing sessions to reading all the Yahoo Group posts and discussions to watching the results show to reading your post-performance blogging and then doing it all over again the next week. It has been a phenomenal learning experience for me. But more than that, it has opened up within me a knowing that as yet I had been unable to embody. I've known it in my head, but I hadn't been able to embrace and own it as mine until I sat watching and participating in the finale of Celebrity Duets tonight. They say the only way consciousness can expand is through form, which I get completely. But it has been through participating in the whole wild ride of Celebrity Duets with you and everyone else that I've opened to the idea of my own form (my body, my life, my presence, etc.) being a vehicle through which consciousness can expand. Watching you share your light, life, joy, challenges, weariness, and talent with the world in your own amazing, beautiful form that is Lucy Lawless, and then watching the results of that play out on national television each week, while experiencing it all myself, caused me to wonder what sharing my light, life, joy and talents with the world might look like. Better yet is the idea of what might the world look like if we all found the courage to let our own individual lights shine as we move out into our own spheres of influence. We may not have a nationally televised stage to show up on each week, but we do have living, breathing families and communities to show up in each day. And I can't think of a better place to start than right there! Our courage will change the world!!! Once again thank you for embodying that for us so that we could pick it up from this new place of experience and begin infiltrating our worlds in ways that fit and serve us and everyone else best. YOU ROCK, Lucy!! Thanks again for absolutely everything, but most of all for just being the real, authentic, sincere you that you are!!! Now, get some rest....lots of it!!!! :-)"

Have a great weekend everybody!! And we should all get some rest, too, especially all our international voting friends. You guys rock!! My favorite voting memory was the one made from Hong Kong whilst sitting on the toilet!! :-)

Happy Friday!!

Debbie :-)

"She feels the night differently than I"

Today's post title was in a book talking about a Native American wise-woman. The full quote reads:

"She feels the night differently than I. Her eyes are finely tuned to the song of the wind, trained to hear any interruption in its melody. Her eyes carefully watch a nearby doe and her fawn, eating in the safety of darkness. She observes not for pleasure, but to use the doe's keener senses as an alarm."

Much could be written about all of the above, but today in particular it was the idea of feeling things differently than most folks that deeply resonated within.

Within 24-hours from Thursday to Friday night, I found myself feeling a wide assortment of things very deeply. Perhaps differently. Only in the last few years of my life have I come to understand a bit of the depths inside me, of how I feel things because it is definitely different.

Thursday evening started with the total enjoyment of helping my mother, along with my father and brothers, celebrate her 70th birthday. We laughed a lot, told lots of stories, remembered things, and laughed & talked some more. Conversation. Joy. Life.

Friday morning brought me the experience of purchasing tickets for my trip to L.A. next week for the Xena convention & the Lucy Lawless concert. It's something that back on November 30th was just a dream I had about doing something fun & now it's become a full-fledged, financially-committed, about-to-happen reality. Fun. Energy. Creation.

After making my ticket purchases, I checked my e-mail to find that someone I knew had been murdered a few days before Christmas in a house & in an area that I was very familliar with. And this was where my ability to "feel the night differently" than others kicked in.

My frame of reference for responding emotionally to a friend's murder was non-existent up until I checked my e-mail Friday morning. But since then, I've been developing and building one.

Murder. There are so many books, television shows, and movies covering the topic, but none of that ever prepares you for how it really feels to know someone who's been murdered. Murder is so personal. It leaves those left behind with so many emotions to process and tons of questions to resolve, but no guarantees that either will ever be complete.

My first response to the murder was one of breathing it all into my body very deeply. Similar to being sucker-punched in the stomach but doing it intentionally. Kind of like the prisoner in The Green Mile who could breathe in people's pain, illness, whatever.

This physical response was the first indication of perhaps feeling differently than others. I was more attentive to my process because I had no clue how to respond. I found myself breathing in the pain, the questions, the randomness, the emotions, the loss. All of it was there & I was taking it in because I didn't know how else to do it.

And in the doing of it, I discovered my pattern for stepping into pain. I breathe it all in. I take it inside. And it has been in these last 24-hours between Friday & Saturday nights that I've been paying attention to just exactly what I do with that pain. I'm not sure I even know how to write about it. How do you put words around an alchemical process?

What I do know is that my hypervigilance to this experience has made much about me and my life to this point clearer. And it reminds me of a quote that is very important to me:

“Yes, there is evil. Yes, there is pain. Breathe. Let the pain float. Let it be infused with my spirit. Make yourself permeable. Let the pain pass through you. Let the evil pass right through you. Let it fall away. Even if it is the pain and evil of all the world. It is an illusion. It is only real if you hold onto it. Let it pass. I am the spirit. I breathe on pain. It is transformed.”

What I don't know is how the above quote applies to the evil & pain of someone you know being murdered.

What I do know is that I will continue to pay attention and write about it when, or if, I can.

Gift of Silence

I love to stand outside on a clear night when the moon is full...late at night, after everyone has gone to sleep. It's quieter then. The hum of electronic gadgetry is minimal. People are finally at rest. And I can breathe.

Silence, externally and internally is a precious gift. And on a full moon I find I enter that silence at deep levels. Light...depth...breath...silence. A favorite place of mine.

In honor of the full moon tomorrow night, I wanted to pass along these words by Brother David Stendl-Rast, a member of a Benedictine Community in Elmira, NY:

"What shall I wish for you at this season of gifts and good wishes? This year I would like to wish you the gift that makes room for all other gifts---I wish you deep inner stillness.

May you grow still enough to hear the small noises earth makes in preparing for the long sleep of winter, so that you yourself may grow calm and grounded deep within.

May you grow still enough to hear the trickling of water seeping into the ground, so that your soul may be softened and healed, and guided in its flow.

May you grow still enough to hear the splintering of starlight in the winter sky and the roar at Earth's fiery core.

May you grow still enough to hear the stir of a single snowflake in the air, so that your inner silence may turn into hushed expectation.

'Peace!' the angel announced. But peace is as much task as gift.

Only if we become calm as earth, fluid as water, and blazing as fire are we able to rise to the task of peacemaking, and the air will stir with the rush of wings of angels arriving to help us.

This is why I wish you that great inner stillness which allows us to speak, even today, without irony, of 'peace on earth' and without despair, to work for it. Wishing you in this festive season and throughout the year to come, the joy that springs from doing all we can to realize peace. "

Paint With All The Colors of The Wind

After a very rainy New Year's Eve, I woke up this morning to a bright & beautiful Atlanta day. Always a great way to start the new year!

All day long I've thought about the words to a song playing on my ipod at the gym this morning..."can you paint with all the colors of the wind" from the movie Pocahontas.

2006 was an exploration & discovery of some of the colors in my internal pallet. 2007 feels like an opportunity to use those colors to give the internal expression externally.

My long journey of listening, of thinking, of sitting with feels much like a seed must feel as it reaches up toward the light from the dark, moist depth where its been buried. At times it must have thought it was stuck, yet it never stopped reaching, stretching, shedding, opening, growing, expanding.

To paint with all the colors of the wind...requires an openness to all that is while allowing light to illuminate your soul as you live into each day.

Peace, love and much light to you!